The Sorting Hat Speaks
by whatabeautifulmess
Summary: The Sorting Hat doesn't quite know what to make of the Next-Gen...Inspired by "The Sorting of Weasleys" by Bad Mum
1. Sorted 2009 & 2011

_Chapter One: Teddy and Victoire, Sorted 2009 and 2011_

Normal type is Teddy and Victoire, _italic type is the Sorting Hat._

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><p>"Lupin, Ted!"<p>

I hate it when people call me Ted. My name's _Teddy._

_Well aren't you an interesting one? Metamorphmagus..._

And?

_Fiesty too, and you desperately want to live up to your parents. Eager to prove yourself and brave and independent. This is almost too easy._

I'd just better not be in Slytherin. Do I get any say in the matter?

_A certain amount, yes. You'll be surprised how many people think, "not such-and-such a house" and are so surprised when I listen to them. Then they never tell anyone, after all that effort._

Well then, definitely not Slytherin.

_Oh, don't worry, you're not Slytherin material, really. You can be manipulative when you want to , but that hardly shows up compared with everything else. GRYFFINDOR!_

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><p>"Weasley, Victoire!"<p>

Oh, look at Teddy. Isn't he 'andsome? Concentrate, Victoire! Sorting!

_Oh, another Weasley. I thought I'd finished with all of you a long time ago._

No, after me there are my brother and sister, and all of my cousins as well. I have eight.

_Well, isn't that something to look forward to. But you're a lot different to your parents and aunts and uncles. Not as brave and dominant. You're just...nice. A little catty upon occasion, but loyal as they come. For sure you're a HUFFLEPUFF!_

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><p><em>Please do not favourite or alert without reviewing :)<em>

_I do not own Harry Potter in any way, that honour is JK Rowling's. All information is canon as far as is known, otherwise I have used artistic license to my heart's content._


	2. Sorted 2016

_Chapter Two: James, Dominique, Fred and Molly, Sorted 2016_

Normal type is James, Dominique, Fred and Molly, _italic type is the Sorting Hat._

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><p>"Potter, James!"<p>

Bring it on, Mr Sorting Hat.

_Oh, my, this is too easy._

Is that a good thing?

_Oh, goodness no. I like a challenge. GRYFFINDOR!_

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><p>"Weasley, Dominique!"<p>

I just hope to God I'm not in Hufflepuff. Victoire was a Hufflepuff.

_Not _another_ Weasley?_

Better get used to it. There's plenty more to come.

_With attitude like that, I already know where to put you._

I don't really care, just so long as I'm not in Hufflepuff.

_Why not Hufflepuff? Most people wouldn't mind Hufflepuff, if push came to shove. It's Slytherin that they tend to have a problem with._

My older sister Victoire is in Hufflepuff, and if I have to spend the next seven years being compared to her I may have to kill myself. I just want to make a name for myself, be someone other than Victoire's not-quite-as-pretty little sister for once.

_Well there's no need to worry about that. You're not a Hufflepuff._

Well?

_Better be..._

Get on with it!

_GRYFFINDOR!_

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><p>"Weasley, Fred!"<p>

Bring it on, Mr Sorting Hat.

_Haven't I done you already?_

No, of course not.

_I swore I had. Same cockiness, same self-assurance, same...arrogance, if we're going to be frank._

Thank you. Now who is this other person? I want to meet him.

_Now I know. He's your cousin; Potter or whatever his name is._

Well that's no fun! I already know him.

_As alike as two peas in a pod, you two are. _

We should be: we're both descended from master pranksters.

_It baffles me why you sound so proud of that. It didn't do them any good. GRYFFINDOR!_

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><p>"Weasley, Molly!"<p>

Just stay calm. It is not the end of the world. Stay. Calm.

_Good Lord you're all easy to Sort this year._

What? Easy? That can't be right. It should take longer than this, everyone else's did!

_A word of advice for you, young lady: relax. RAVENCLAW!_

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><p><em>Please do not favouritealert without reviewing :)_

_And it is quite deliberate that Fred and James have the same first thought, before I get inundated with reviews telling me that they have the same first thought._


	3. Sorted 2017

_Chapter Three: Scorpius, Albus and Rose, Sorted 2017_

Normal type is Scorpius, Albus and Rose, _italic type is the Sorting Hat_

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><p>"Malfoy, Scorpius!"<p>

Look, relax, Malfoy. No one just laughed at your name. And no one's glaring at you. Well, OK, maybe they are, but it can't be because of anything you've done - you haven't uttered a word all day!

_Right then. Okay. Malfoy, aren't you?_

Yes.

_You _are _unusual. Nothing like your father. You're smart like he was, but you don't have the drive; and the intelligence is very...innocent. Not an ounce of cunning._

I won't be put in Slytherin then?

_Don't be ridiculous! They'll tear you apart. Now...Ravenclaw? You're smart enough..._

Dad'll be disappointed if I'm not in Slytherin.

_I don't doubt he will be, but do _you _want to be in Slytherin?_

Well...no.

_Didn't think so. No, not Ravenclaw...the intelligence is there, no doubt about that; but there's something else that overshadows it. Now what is it...?_

I'm not sure. Sorry.

_It was a rhetorical question, boy! _Definitely_ not Ravenclaw. What is that? Oh. Oh ho. Your father really isn't going to like this_...

What do you-

_GRYFFINDOR!_

Oh.

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><p>"Potter, Albus!"<p>

Right, OK. No, no one is looking at you. Well, no more than they looked at everyone else.

_Hmmm, you're interesting. I've seen someone like you before._

Not Slytherin. Just...not Slytherin.

_You know, that's exactly what he said. Not Slytherin, not Slytherin, please don't put me in Slytherin!_

He's my dad.

_Oh, so you're another Potter, are you? How many of you are there?_

Just one more, after me. My sister Lily.

_Could be worse, I suppose._

Excuse me, I don't mean to be rude, but aren't you going to Sort me?

_Yes, I suppose so, boy. And you needn't worry. You don't have what it takes to be a Slytherin. You _are_ a lot like your father, it must be said, but you seem more relaxed. You lack some of his drive, but there's loyalty there instead, even fiercer than in him. He didn't marry a Weasley, did he?_

Um...yes.

_Thought so. I've Sorted a lot of Weasleys in the last thousand years._

And my House?

_Oh, yes. Well...better be...GRYFFINDOR!_

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><p>"Weasley, Rose!"<p>

You'll be perfectly fine. Albus was, wasn't he?

_Oh. Not another Weasley._

But I'm the only Weasley being Sorted this year.

_Oh yes, but the Potter boy is very clearly related to you._

Leave my cousin alone!

_Yes, you're definitely a Weasley. Such loyalty...but you're not a Hufflepuff._

Good.

_With that sort of attitude, you'd do well in Slytherin._

I don't want to be in Slytherin, either.

_And who says what you want has anything to do with where I put you?_

Logic. We can all have a conscious influence over our personalities.

_And with a mind like that, you could be a Ravenclaw. _

My mum said that's what you told her. You put her in Gryffindor in the end though. Hermione Granger.

_Ah, yes, I remember her. I had good reason for doing that - she was smart, smarter than anyone else I've seen, until you; but she had courage, too. And I'm not sure you do._

Really? I've been arguing with you about what House I belong in. Wouldn't you say that was courageous? And brains are useful in a hero: too many get themselves killed by blindly rushing into things.

_Good reasoning. I'm still inclined towards Ravenclaw, though..._

_Oh. What's this? For all your big talk about not rushing blindly into things, you seem remarkably inclined to do just that, young lady. Not a scrap of common sense._

I know. I blame my father. I can understand that it's not a good idea to go rushing into things without thinking them through, but I can't seem to grasp the concept in practice.

_You'd be best off in Gryffindor then. Is this acceptable?_

I suppose so.

_Well then...GRYFFINDOR!_

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><p><em>Please do not favouritealert without reviewing :)_


	4. Sorted 2018

_Chapter Four: Lorcan, Lysander, Louis and Roxanne, Sorted 2018_

Normal type is Lorcan, Lysander, Louis and Roxanne, _italic type is the Sorting Hat_

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><p>"Scamander, Lorcan!"<p>

Just breathe. It'll be fine. It's nothing to worry about.

_Calm down, will you? I've never met anyone as nervous as you. _

Sorry sir.

_I can tell you don't want to be here. Lucky for you you're pretty easy to Sort._

Oh. Good.

_You're obviously not brave enough to be a Gryffindor. And you're not cunning enough for Slytherin. That only leaves Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw..._

_Hmmm. Hu-? Or Raven-? No, I've made up my mind. It's really your only defining characteristic. RAVENCLAW! _

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><p>"Scamander, Lysander!"<p>

I'd better be in Ravenclaw like Lorcan. He'd hate to be alone.

_Are you _sure _you're his twin? You're not that much alike, aside from your looks._

Of course I'm his twin! And I'd better be in Ravenclaw - we've never been seperated, and don't want to start now.

_There's no need to be so fierce, boy. You're very clearly a Ravenclaw - only a tiny part of your mind screams "Gryffindor", and it's seems you only show that side of yourself when your brother needs you._

Don't tell anyone that.

_And apparently when your pride is at stake. Why would I tell anyone, I'm a hat! Think about it. RAVENCLAW!_

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><p>"Weasley, Louis!"<p>

Oh, I hope I'm in Hufflepuff like 'Toire. Or Gryffindor like Dom. Ravenclaw wouldn't be too bad either. Oh wow, look at the ceiling! I wonder how they did _that? _I wonder what-

_Can you try and think a little less loudly? Or just less? It echoes in here, you know._

Oh, hello. I'm Louis. Who are you?

_I'm the Sorting Hat, young man. And there's no doubt about where to put you. HUFFLEPUFF!_

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><p>"Weasley, Roxanne!"<p>

Lysander Scamander is _really _cute. I think - I think he just smiled at me! Oh God! OK, Roxanne, calm down, just a little...

_Would you mind calming down, please, young lady? He didn't smile at you, incidently._

Oh.

_Now, let's see. Not overly burdened with intelligence - not stupid, but not Ravenclaw material._

Hey!

_Proud - takes offence easily. Too good-hearted for Slytherin. Hufflepuff?_

Pssht. Hufflepuff.

_No, I don't think so either. There's a fierce independent streak there. GRYFFINDOR!_

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><p><em>Please do not favourite or alert without reviewing :)<em>


	5. Sorted 2019

_Chapter Five: Lily, Hugo and Lucy, Sorted 2019_

Normal type is Lily, Hugo and Lucy,_ italic type is the Sorting Hat_

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><p>"Potter, Lily!"<p>

I can't believe I'm really at Hogwarts! I hope I'm in Gryffindor like James and Al...

_Would you mind being a little less excitable? I've got a headache._

Oh. Sorry. I'm just so excited!

_A little less with the over-the-top punctuation would be nice._

Sorry.

_Thank you. Now...Another Weasley?_

No, I'm a Potter.

_Oh, well, you're all much the same nowadays. You're very much like your mother, you know._

Really? Everyone says I look like mum, but I act more like dad.

_Oh, yes, well there is that. A certain disregard for the rules that you get from him. But everything else, your whole demeanor, your independence and your tendency to obsess over things, comes from your mother._

So am I a Gryffindor like them?

_I think so. GRYFFINDOR!_

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><p>"Weasley, Hugo!"<p>

I can hear Lily from here, prattling on. Why can she be quiet?

_Now, you are definitely a Weasley._

Well, yeah, you just heard them call my name.

_Even so, I like to make sure myself. Which ones are your parents?_

Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger.

_Yes, I see that now. You got your father's short temper, I see. And your mother's brains are there, but you hide them. Act stupid and crass. You're very much like your father._

What's wrong with that? My dad's great.

_And the Weasley family loyalty. Yes, you're definitely a Weasley. And if you're a typical Weasley, you'd better be in GRYFFINDOR!_

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><p>"Weasley, Lucy!"<p>

I hope I'm with Molly or Rose and Lily. I'd hate to be by myself.

_Hello? Hello? Is anyone there, or can I go back to sleep?_

I'm here.

_What sorry? Think a little louder, please, I can barely hear you!_

Yes, Mr Sorting Hat. Of course.

_It will do, I suppose. Now then...This is rather difficult. You don't really seem to belong anywhere - not brave, not cunning, not especially hard-working...What's the main ingredient in love potions, including Amortentia?_

Umm...Ashwinder eggs?

_Have a little self-confidence, please! RAVENCLAW!_

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><p><em>The last chapter - I hope you've enjoyed it :)<em>

_Please do not favourite without reviewing, as always, and thank you very much to everyone who has reviewed/favourited/alerted - seeing those emails makes my day._


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